This fall I committed to 34-Days of Self-Care leading up to my 34th birthday. In effort to be fully transparent and hold myself accountable, I will tell you how my plans mentioned in this previous post worked out.
Every morning I meditated for 5-10 minutes. Thanks to weekly yoga sessions, I am much better at clearing my mind. I have a spare room where I light my incense and play meditation music. It was really important for me to get up WELL before my son so that I wasn’t interrupted. The only problem is that I stopped doing this after about two weeks. I got a sinus infection and then lost my mojo. There goes that…
I felt like the prompts were pretty redundant. I found myself writing very similar answers. A word that constantly came up was FREEDOM. I haven’t been free mentally, spiritually, physically or financial in a LONG TIME. I am burdened by my own life and the only person that can save me is myself. I think this year was a year of realizing who I really am, what and need and what I want. This new year really needs to be about achieving it. I found freedom a few times but that was only temporary. I still wasn’t dealing with my realities.
This has to be my weakest area in life. I can’t seem to stay on track, EVER! I could have a good morning but I always end up eating like crazy towards the night. I am eating my stress away.
Well the good news is that I made a plan and stuck to it for the most part. However, there was no visible improvements because I can’t get my diet in order. After the car accident I was in earlier this year, my body still can’t be pushed too hard. This means that diet is where my change really needs to be made.
SO WHAT NOW?
Am I this fully cleansed, redefined woman? Probably not. But I am certainly more aware. Now I just need to get past the anger and disappointment that I have within myself FOR myself (for not living to my full potential) and MOVE ON. Being stuck on that is stopping me from living the rest of my life right. I have mentioned being depressed a few times but I don’t think I really made it clear on here. I am clinically depressed. I am actually on medication for my anxiety and depression. If you noticed a changed it was not the haircut (though that did helped). I was definitely a more able person this year. Even though you never saw it, I was no longer crying all day, every day. I was doing more for myself rather than just talking about it. But ever since my son started school, I have become more anxious again. I can’t rest on the excuse that I have him all day. I don’t. NOW is the time more than ever to move forward and it’s scary. I have so many things I want to be and places I see myself (and Noah) but I don’t know how to make it all happen. It feels like starting all over. Like the last 10 years of my life flew by and it’s all a blur. Yesterday I was supposed to begin coming off the medication. The funny thing is that as hesitant as I was to go on the medication, I was nervous to come off. I sat in the doctor’s office like it was my first day – in tears just from being asked certain questions. She looked at me and said: “I think we should give it 3 more months.”. It was like graduation day and not getting your diploma. I am not trying to be on medication for life.
I want to self-manage through self-care and for goodness sake living more fckin fearlessly. I am not quite there yet so there is still work to be done. At least my teeth are whiter…
I know, I know… I am all over the place. I am trying to be a MothER, BlogER, Fitness Motivator, PhotographER and now MomagER. If there is ANYthing I have learned since becoming a mom is that I can’t have it all and I certainly can’t do it all either. I was silly to even try. LOL But what I can do is prioritize what I have been blessed with. I have transferable skills, a flexible schedule, a financially supportive husband and really special kid – with a lot of energy.
He is both. It’s funny because people always tell me I should get him into the business but he already is. Just because you don’t see the work of children, it doesn’t mean they haven’t worked. A lot of times more than one kid is booked for the same job and then they go with the best. Noah has actually been booked for three gigs this year in both print and film. His first job was for a very well-known children’s toy company but nothing he has done has been released yet. There is no guarantee his work will see the light of day either. And from what I understand, they don’t always tell you. Sometimes people find before you do LOL. That’s the nature of this business. Noah has been with a Talent Management company for over two years and was recently picked up by a Talent Agency as well. He has a social media account but it was never my intention for him to be an internet star. I actually have a legit fear of him becoming a meme. I would hate that! Noah just wants to make people laugh on TV. His social media accounts are just a way for us to share is personality to a wider audience. We are working on getting him the right amount of exposure as we build a savings for his future in the process.
Why don’t you get Noah on The Ellen Show?
If I had a dollar for everyone who said this to me…lol. It’s just not that simple. Trust me… If he could be on any of these TV shows he would be. His management company has plenty of kids that have been on similar shows. It’s just a matter of time and opportunity. But if you have an Ellen Show connect – put in a good word for us! 😛
How did you get involved in the industry?
In 2014, I knew someone who had their child in the business and she recommended Noah without me even asking. The manager liked what she saw and the rest was history. He was actually “dropped” briefly because I simply wasn’t committed to the process. After people constantly saying he needs to be on TV, I realized that this could be his calling. Now we are in it to win it and I am not secretive about his affiliations either. You can find all of that information if you follow his page. Now this might sound strange but I haven’t met his team. I’m also not allowed to go into his auditions. The usually last 5-10 tops! All I know is that his team makes the appointments and we show up. If he gets a job, he works and then he gets paid within 60 days. That’s it. Everything moves so quickly with very little feedback.
How has acting affected Noah with school?
Due to the distance for auditions, we have missed a few days already… plus we have been late dragging ourselves to school in the morning after a long drive. Thankfully Noah is ahead of the learning curve so he’s on target with his academic requirements. Next year I won’t be as willing to miss school. I am actually feeling very guilty about his attendance because I can count the amount of times I’ve missed school in my entire academic career. I even received an award from the department of education for it.
Do you have any advice for getting into the business?
I would say that you have to be 110% dedicated to this. Everyone isn’t going to be discovered on the street, YouTube or on Instagram. To be a Momager, you have to invest into your child’s talents, constantly develop their skills and go to every audition you can. Most of my auditions have been with less than 24 hour notice. I am not exaggerating. I have pulled Noah out of school for a few hours notice before. Flexibility is KEY so would not recommend pursuing this career if you can’t travel. There are plenty of auditions in NY but sometimes the actual job is in LA. You need to be available for the call times, call backs, fittings and the actual shoot. Can you?
I couldn’t do it. How do you handle being a Momager?
Lots of snacks, electronics, and treats. The only reason it has worked for me living so far away is because I am not really working and my husband is financing it all. Many people wonder why we just don’t find work in the DMV. I would love that but there really isn’t a big market for his age out here that I’ve seen. However, I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven’t always lived to my potential so I refuse to hold my son back from his. I will do whatever it takes for my family to win. I normally drive to auditions because I have a little more control of my commute but lately… I have been wanting to just relax on the bus or train. That doesn’t really work for half school days. Just last week I was on the bus before 1pm that was scheduled to arrive in NY at 5pm and we didn’t make it until 6:45 because of stops and traffic. I was stressed out because our appointment was for 7pm. Noah was the last kid to make it in the room before the doors closed at 7:05. He didn’t do well either because he’s only 5 and didn’t have a second to decompress and prepare. Then on the way home I received an email from a company that wants to meet him this week… IN NEW YORK! Where else?
Would you move back up North?
This is exactly where the prioritizing I mentioned earlier comes into play. I realized that I can’t play this acting game the way I have been much longer. Crazy that I waited 5 years to have the freedom to spread my wings but everything is still all about Noah. What can I say… I am a mom. That’s what we do. But the good news his that his potential motivates me. It has taken me a while to figure out what is important to me… my strengths… my needs. It all got lost over time trying to be and do everything at once. I was going into a depressive state with just the thought of it all. I feel like my endeavors have had the potential to be successful but I never had a chance to give 100 percent to any of it. Although I am not letting go of my projects, in 2018 you WILL see where my priorities lie. I had great hopes for this blog… I still do. While it may seem to be doing rather well, it has not been living up to my expectations. (That’s for another day). For now, the Momager life is taking time away from this space… at least until I get a laptop. It’s been rough… I am currently at the library writing this blog.
So what am I saying?
I am saying that the direction my life is going is being lead by a potential career in the entertainment industry for my son. I am actually more of a chauffeur than a Momager lol but I am sure you get it. I still feel like I am all over the place but I am really trying to make my way in this world like everyone else. So please bear with me and support me if you can. I am gonna need it. But for this to be our first year in the industry, I think it went well. It’s exciting but scary at the same time. The frequent trips to NY and money spent investing has NOT been easy on my family. And it clearly takes away from anything else I want to do. However, I refuse to miss another opportunity and regret it. Right now we are making it work 270 miles away from it all. But where there is a will, there is a way, right? Stay tuned…
Here’s a look back at Noah’s shenanigans this year. Don’t forget to follow. like. comment. and share! 🙂 Catch him on Instagram,Facebook, Youtube and Twitter!