Happiness Planner Happiness Box

34 Days of Self-Care: Follow Up

This fall I committed to 34-Days of Self-Care leading up to my 34th birthday. In effort to be fully transparent and hold myself accountable, I will tell you how my plans mentioned in this previous post worked out.

Morning Meditations

Every morning I meditated for 5-10 minutes. Thanks to weekly yoga sessions, I am much better at clearing my mind. I have a spare room where I light my incense and play meditation music. It was really important for me to get up WELL before my son so that I wasn’t interrupted. The only problem is that I stopped doing this after about two weeks. I got a sinus infection and then lost my mojo. There goes that…

Self-Awareness Journal

I felt like the prompts were pretty redundant. I found myself writing very similar answers. A word that constantly came up was FREEDOM.  I haven’t been free mentally, spiritually, physically or financial in a LONG TIME. I am burdened by my own life and the only person that can save me is myself. I think this year was a year of realizing who I really am, what and need and what I want. This new year really needs to be about achieving it. I found freedom a few times but that was only temporary. I still wasn’t dealing with my realities.

Eating Habits

This has to be my weakest area in life. I can’t seem to stay on track, EVER! I could have a good morning but I always end up eating like crazy towards the night. I am eating my stress away.

Fitness Routine

Well the good news is that I made a plan and stuck to it for the most part. However, there was no visible improvements because I can’t get my diet in order. After the car accident I was in earlier this year, my body still can’t be pushed too hard. This means that diet is where my change really needs to be made.

SO WHAT NOW?

Am I this fully cleansed, redefined woman? Probably not. But I am certainly more aware. Now I just need to get past the anger and disappointment that I have within myself FOR myself (for not living to my full potential) and MOVE ON. Being stuck on that is stopping me from living the rest of my life right. I have mentioned being depressed a few times but I don’t think I really made it clear on here. I am clinically depressed. I am actually on medication for my anxiety and depression. If you noticed a changed it was not the haircut (though that did helped). I was definitely a more able person this year. Even though you never saw it, I was no longer crying all day, every day. I was doing more for myself rather than just talking about it. But ever since my son started school, I have become more anxious again. I can’t rest on the excuse that I have him all day. I don’t. NOW is the time more than ever to move forward and it’s scary. I have so many things I want to be and places I see myself (and Noah) but I don’t know how to make it all happen. It feels like starting all over. Like the last 10 years of my life flew by and it’s all a blur. Yesterday I was supposed to begin coming off the medication. The funny thing is that as hesitant as I was to go on the medication, I was nervous to come off. I sat in the doctor’s office like it was my first day – in tears just from being asked certain questions. She looked at me and said: “I think we should give it 3 more months.”. It was like graduation day and not getting your diploma. I am not trying to be on medication for life.

I want to self-manage through self-care and for goodness sake living more fckin fearlessly. I am not quite there yet so there is still work to be done. At least my teeth are whiter

6 comments

  1. Elizabeth

    I have also battles with depression. It’s ongoing and something I’ve had to work on everyday. I am thankful for your transparency-its not easy. I have tried some holistic approaches to healing. Some have been helpful.

    Reply

    1. Fatima

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Next time we get together we should chat about it.

      Reply

  2. Tima

    Self-awareness Fatima! Super proud of you & the ability to be so honest about something that is often kept a secret or hidden!

    Reply

  3. Wendy McLean

    I applaud your bravery and transparency. Often the most freeing thing we can do is to be honest with ourselves and share our struggles with others. I’m sure you felt some freedom writing this blog post :).

    You have a platform to help others who are living life under the cloud of depression and anxiety and as an anxiety sufferer myself, I totally get where you’re coming from.

    Hang in there, you are strong 💪 you can do this!!

    Reply

    1. Fatima

      Thank you so much for your words and support!

      Reply

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